This is supposed to be a dating blog but there is just the small matter of no dates since 22 December and it is nearly the end of April so things needed to change...
Against my better judgment, I accepted the offer of a date from Numpty - my on and off ex of 14 years. We spent Date 1 at a very nice Italian restaurant, opting to take a taxi rather than go in his Postman Pat gardening van. Date 2 was a night in watching the tv, wine and cheesecake and Date 3 was a romantic walk on the canal at Hebden Bridge with his dog/only friend. I am aware that my friends now want to kill me as I have not disclosed this liaison.
I drove in my Pensioner Wagon (aka Ford Fusion) and noted lack of dog. ‘I don’t want you to meet him just yet’ was the response. Not a good start. He tutted whilst I eased the Pensioner Wagon into the only remaining very small parking space in Hebden Bridge – I’d only ‘straightened it up’ four times – problem?
We went for a panini and then went to the Flea Market – god that’s been going for years and is still full of the same old tat and then strolled on the canal. He had paled a little in the cafe when I mentioned it was my birthday in 13 days time.
I wanted to walk to Todmorden but just after the hippies boat commune he started whinging his Windsor Warehouse white trainers were dirty and the conversation was wilting. I askd ‘how do you get by in the winter when there’s no work then?’ bearing in mind Numpty was one of my numerous financial donkeys and I am keen to avoid such like in the future. ‘Oh no you’re still money mad’ (what? eh? sorry? I’ve missed something here) ‘this isn’t working’ he said. We then drove home in silence and well, we have not dated since – not that I’m particularly sorry.
So never mind, I did what every rejected girl does and ordered all singing, all dancing jazzy white new Ford Ka which doesn’t fit any man over 5’ 9” – not yet arrived, still being made in Italy. I also turned down the personalised last three letters option on the reg plate – I mean I’d have to marry someone with the surname ‘S’ and the pool is already small enough without locating single, gorgeous men with the surname ‘S....’.
I then had a pre-birthday dinner with my two lovely, dependable single friends. So there we are in Aldo’s – lovely food, lovely wine, lovely people when friend #1 announces he’d had a date with a girl of his dreams and she had invited him to a wedding in two months time ON THE FIRST DATE!. ‘Errm didn’t that scare you?’ I asked. ‘No I liked it’ he said. Friend #2 showed my pic of lush new bloke who said she ‘was awesome’ so there I was sat with two smuggers and I now have no single friends left so there is only one thing for it...
Tonight I logged on Match.com, resurrected GirlieSunflower, changed the pictures and within 2 mins had 3 views, 2 winks and 1 email from ‘Rikstar from Huddersfield’ – the girl is back – get in!!!